Dudes explain things to me

For the past few days, something has been burning me up inside. Actually, it didn’t start just a few days ago—it’s been happening since ancient times—but it’s reached a point where I’ve had enough.

I’m referring, of course, to that phenomenon known as «Mansplaining» or, in simpler terms, «guys explaining things to us.» This phenomenon typically involves men who take it upon themselves to explain/illuminate/guide (insert synonym here) a woman they perceive as somehow inferior in a particular field of knowledge. According to their own judgment, these men believe they need to swoop in and explain things to her. We could consider it a mix of paternalism and condescension, and frankly, we’re tired of it.

It’s rare for a week to go by without one of my female colleagues or myself posting something on social media and receiving some comment from a random guy who feels the need to explain some musical concept or band trivia that we already know, or worse, questioning our ability to play an instrument.

Some might say we’re too sensitive for getting offended over something like this, but it’s not really about offense—it’s the rage that arises when someone assumes that just because we’re women, they have to come explain something about music to us as if we were born yesterday. Normally, these men see nothing wrong with their behavior and consider it completely normal to approach a woman (whether they know her or not) to explain a concept or to question her abilities. The issue isn’t just the explanation itself, but the fact that they don’t treat you as an equal simply because you’re a woman, and what do you do with women? Exactly—explain things to them.

Since I started writing about music a year ago, I’ve noticed that just because I’m a woman, it seems like I have to constantly justify myself, while my male colleagues are rarely questioned to the same extent. There are a million examples of this:

• You’re questioned because you recommended something.
• You’re questioned because you posted something about music you like on social media, and the guy in question feels the need to «enlighten» you with his «blessed wisdom» (note the irony).
• You’re questioned because you reviewed something, and the guy in question disagrees because, of course, he thinks you could have done it way better if only you’d followed his suggestions.
• Some random guy asks you something like: «Name three songs,» or «I bet you don’t know who (insert band here) is,» or «Why didn’t you write this instead of what you wrote?» and it goes on until it becomes the most boring, soul-crushing experience.

In the end, this constant behavior leads women to stay silent, because why bother saying anything if Mr. Know-It-All is going to show up to correct us and question our opinions? This often results in women doubting their own abilities.

I’ve analyzed this phenomenon thoroughly and come to the following conclusions:

1. These men assume that women have inferior knowledge and therefore need things explained to them.
2. They have this father complex, this recalcitrant paternalism where you’re treated like a child just because you’re a woman, and therefore they need to treat you as such.
3. Their own insecurities and the need to stand out among other guys. It’s well known that there are fewer women in the metal world, so they feel the need to explain something—maybe hoping to stand out and impress someone.
4. They have an oversized ego, believing they know more than anyone else and thoroughly enjoying hearing themselves speak.
5. It’s ultimately about having power over the other person because when men mansplain, they’re not really listening to anything the other person has to say.

So, to all these guys, I can’t tell you what every woman in the world wants, but I can definitely tell you what I want and need: please, stop coming over to explain things to me or any other woman on the Queens Of Steel team. I’m begging you at this point.

If you ever feel an overwhelming urge to explain something to us, stop for a moment and think: Why do I feel the need to explain this? Is it because she’s a woman? Is it because I want to show off everything I know? Is it because I want to stand out? Would I act the same way if it were a guy? Has she asked for my opinion? After considering your answers, you can decide whether it’s a good idea to explain something to us or not.

If at any point you think we need your help explaining something, I’ll only say this: we write about music. We all do our homework before publishing or posting anything about music, and if we need help or don’t know something, we’ll be the first to ask for it. So, please apply that famous phrase: «Don’t break the silence unless it’s to improve it.»